It's only taken me almost 3 years, but I think I've finally figured out my kids.
Some years back, there was that book written by Gary Chapman about The 5 Love Languages. We were all encouraged as couples to learn each others "languages" to improve our marriages. And as corny as it all sounds, most of it really is true. Different people feel loved by different actions. It's just a matter of figuring out how best to show your spouse love. Although I think these "languages" really can spread across any relationship you have
And just for your information, my Love Language is "Acts of Service". Just in case anyone is wondering how to love me. My house is always open to being cleaned... I think Kenny's is "Words of Affirmation"...... guess I should remember that, huh?
So what have I finally figured out about the boys?
Well, it's not anything I haven't know from day one. I just have changed my outlook. These boys love, love, love them some food. Like all day, every day. They get way too excited about their favorite dinner, or a new snack or something as simple as a bag of M&M's.
I wouldn't say that they eat too much food. Which is evident from the fact that Sam can still wear a 4T in the waist, but has to have a size 8 for length. They just really appreciate food way more than your average kids. Food is important to them. I don't know if it was from a lack of it during their first few years. Or maybe a lack of variety of food, but either way food is #1 on their list of things that matter each day. Most days, they want to know first thing in the morning what we will have for all meals during the day, which requires more planning than I sometimes care to do. And often, what we are having for breakfast is a topic of conversation at dinner the night before. Or at the least, during bedtime kisses.
Back in April when I hurt my back, Sam came home that Sunday evening and carefully sat on the bed next to me. As we were talking about what he had been doing all afternoon (which included what he had eaten for lunch and dinner), he had a worried look on his face. I was telling him what the plan was for the next day and how he was going to school, but Daddy would probably take him. He got real quiet and said, "Mommy.........who's gonna make me lunch on Tuesday?" Wow. It was Sunday night. He knew he had school on Monday, so he was covered there. But Tuesdays and Thursdays, he stays home with me. I guess he figured Daddy would fix him breakfast before he left for work that morning, but his concern was all the way to Tuesday at lunch time and who was going to make sure he had something to eat if I was still laying in bed. It was at that moment that it hit me just how important food is to them.
I was so focused on making sure they were getting a variety of good things. And making sure they were not eating to the point of making themselves sick. Because they did that when they first came home. Charlie has a better handle on knowing when he is full now, although if it's a favorite dish, would probably continue to eat if we didn't stop him. Sam would eat and eat and eat as long as the food was in front of him. Most meals I still have to cut him off. And some days he's asking for lunch about an hour after breakfast. He also takes any chance he can to take advantage of someone who doesn't know him. He looks at them with those big brown I'm-an-orphan-please-feed-me-eyes and you can't help but fork over whatever it is you are eating. That's why we have a strict 1 doughnut rule for church on Sunday. He was hanging around the coffee and doughnut table with those sad brown eyes and before I knew it, I had been told, "I gave Sam a doughnut. I hope that was okay." at least 4 or 5 times! And then he would come home and lose the generosity of others all over my kitchen floor because 6 doughnuts is just way too much for a 4-year-old belly.
So, while I still want to teach the boys healthy eating habits and you still have to eat your share of fruits and veggies, I'm looking at food now more through their eyes. It's something they get excited about. It's one of the only things that will get me unsolicited hugs from Charlie. It keeps Sam in a perpetual good mood as long as he has enough of it. When I make a special meal or buy a favorite snack, it communicates love to them.
Food makes my boys happy. And if it makes them happy, then I'm happy.
Here's to pepperonis and hummus and scrambled eggs and salsa and watermelon and peanut butter and sausage and pretty much anything with chocolate.
And yes, we had milkshakes from Chick-fil-a for lunch today.
Just because we can.
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